Ideas Underlying Thoughts
A car suddenly swerved in front of me and these thoughts flashed in the mind: "Hey, you bulldozed into my lane – you're such a bully!" Have you experienced almost similar frustrations when driving? Do you notice what thoughts have arisen and the accompanying feelings?
When those thoughts appeared, anger and frustration were my inevitable experiences. They sparked more blaming thoughts and I was totally convinced the other driver was guilty of bad behaviour. And I was left feeling victimized and helpless since I knew I could not really control others.
Let's look at the scenario objectively. I did not know the actual reason that driver suddenly swerved into the lane; obviously there were many other possible reasons than just solely to irk me. Why did I brand him a bully outright? Then there was the error of claiming the lane as "my lane" when we were both equally entitled to use the road. Hmm... Looking at the situation in a factual way changed my outlook immediately and anger no longer persisted over the incident.
This is just an example of how a change of choice of words would bring about a different set of reactions, most likely less aversive, or even neutral. So, the crucial question is what determines our choice of words? Our ideas ... the beliefs that we uphold.
Our ideas are the roots, the source of all our reactions. And over time, these reactions, being our experiences, tend to cause those ideas to be reinforced. Hence, it can be said that we're our ideas. Anyone well-versed with our ideas can easily predict our reactions.
Therefore, it makes perfect sense to take on good ideas and abandon unhelpful ones. We just change our thoughts. Now, this is more tricky than it seems. Just like attending a positive-thinking workshop, the advice sounded great but we would soon realize that there’s more to it than that to cause life-changing effects. When the trigger is traumatic, our spontaneous thoughts just pop up, accompanied by familiar emotions, to unleash the underlying ideas!
So, what do we do? How do we help ourselves be free of such limiting ideas? At WISE, I learn to develop such skills in understanding the mind traits.
I learn that the various quick fix ways of removing dislikeable traits, be it of myself or others, are ineffective. Rather, the very essence of that impatience is underlined by aversion... dislike is still lurking.
I learn to recognize the traits while they manifest, for the purpose of getting to understand them. It's not easy but definitely rewarding. I learn to recognize the invisible mind and observe how the myriad arisings operate in distinctive ways. As such, there's joy and confidence to meet life as a series of interesting discoveries. Before, I was often fearful of living life with a burden of uncertainties.
And I need not be fearful of thoughts and try to silence them. They teach me about the underlying ideas. I begin to see and understand how some of these ideas are limiting and even harmful. Having right ideas gives one the courage to keep exploring and learning without fear. Mistakes are taken in good humour and not viewed personally as failures.
Join me in this nurturing endeavour. Come and see for yourself.
In grace,
Nancy Cheah
28 Feb 2023