Why Do I Call It The Right Practice?

Let me go straight to the topic of why I think this is the Right Practice for me. It spanned over a period of time, since I was a small child till now, 68 years old. Though age is just a figure, to tell a story (expressing reality would just be a matter of a few words), I need to use concepts very often. Otherwise, this piece of writing can be dry and uninteresting (people love stories). And to tell a story, linear happenings have to be expressed for others to understand (it’s just a view but it’s true for this piece of writing now). 

Since small, I sensed this person here was peculiar, quiet, and not `normal’. As it grew up, it felt out of place most of the time. It wanted to fit in but couldn’t. So, that was what it went through till I came to Buddhism much later when I was studying in college. Someone introduced me to Buddhism and when I heard the monk speaking, it was as if someone had given me the key to unlock the door to lead me out of the confusion I was in. When I started working, it was dhamma (the natural order of the universe) that I was seeking, from one talk to another in the Alor Setar temple. Every time, a different speaker appeared, I would be listening intently and asking questions. I remember once, a famous monk came to the temple and devotees waited for many hours till early morning for him to speak a few words. Yet, the mind felt good after listening. It did not complain. Another time, it went to listen to another teaching where the teacher (not a Buddhist but someone who was mentioned to be special by another teacher) spoke until the wee hours of the morning (if not mistaken, it ended around 4am), yet it was willing. It couldn’t understand what was said but it had no resistance within. The speaker even said something like, `You have got it but you are calculative (plus something else which I forgot). Bang! I was dejected because I was hoping he would say something uplifting to boost my ego.  Yet, I couldn’t understand why I continued to attend a few more of his classes and each time I didn’t know what he was talking about. Then I followed a monk devoutly because apparently, he had psychic powers. Yet, as much as I wanted to be special and feel good in the company of those following him, I couldn’t relate to his teaching. It was sitting and with his ability, he could lead us to that state of calmness and stability. I didn’t like the feeling of deep concentration that I had. It felt unnatural so I stopped following him. 

Much later, the spiritual interest waned when family matters and the desire to make more money took over. I could still remember how the naïve mind slowly picked up wrong learnings to learn how to survive in the competitive world. Defilements were the rule of the day. That was what I learnt from the world. From a naïve person, it became more ignorant, scheming, and manipulative (which the world may say, street-wise). 

Then much later, when it faced intense suffering due to things not working out fine (family issues etc), it went back to Buddhism especially when it concerned a loved one. `I have to help her get out of suffering,’ that was what I thought. Listening to phone calls in the middle of the night to help a suffering loved one who was thousands of miles away was daunting and stressful. When wisdom is not present, it’s like the blind teaching the blind. In the end, instead of helping my so-called loved ones, it ended with more problems for everyone including myself much later on in life. A stone thrown into the water doesn’t stop there. The ripples take time to spread before they die down. 

‘Did I do anything wrong in the past?’ the questions were endless and took the mind around in circles of doubt, confusion, self-blame, guilt, anger, blaming outside, and so on. For whatever reason, I met up with a layman teacher who taught me the essentials of Buddhism and the mind felt many moments of relief. But, it realized it could not meditate when sitting down. It was struggling to relax. After a few years, I heard about WISE and decided to join the classes. From there, everything changed until now. 

It started with listening and feeling inspired. It couldn’t sleep, trying to figure out and joining the dots. It wanted to understand what the teacher was trying to convey and everything made sense. It continued to listen relentlessly, and practice was on and off. Awareness and the 3-Meditator’s Job (3MJ) were not consistent. It didn’t like to hear the words awareness and 3MJ for they didn’t mean much to this mind. It had been depending on thinking so often that it thought it could use thinking to get its way to solving problems. The thinking revolved around wanting and interspersed with a wish to find out. They are very different. While the former is pushed by craving, the latter has a stepping back to let things unfold as the mind understood eventually that the old way couldn’t work anymore. 

So, back to the question, how do I know this is the Right Practice for me? It is where I am now and tracing back to the repeated mistakes I made, I can compare the past and the present mind. It is this conviction after going through the difficulties and having learnt through the highs and the lows that I can safely say, it is definitely right. I don’t need to believe in anyone or anything. Once the mind is convinced (though on and off as the Right View needs to be established through consistent practice), it knows there is no shortcut and no other way for me. It is a gradual progression of deconditioning the mind to move from its fixated tendencies to a new way of seeing things with Right Attitude. When all can be seen as the unfolding of nature, the mind gets more and more purified, not through one’s doing, but a deeper understanding within that gives the unshaken faith that it has to be taken on to discover what has always been there but covered by the three roots of greed, hatred, and delusion. 

Without the know-how, how can one do it? It is not possible. It can be read in books or listened to in talks, but it is not as easy as that. The journey is simple but not easy. It is going through all the challenges yet the mind is willing to find out, falling again and again, persisting until some light streams through. It is a journey to be taken by each and everyone for the truth to be verified. Yet, without all the Right Information that the mind has gathered, it is not possible that this mind can do it. The cloud of delusion was strong and all it did in the past was following its strong habitual tendencies and conditioning. By mere listening without turning in to check with Right Awareness, the Right Information is just a tool that I hold onto but never use to uncover the truth it is pointing to. An analogy would be holding onto the float before I know how to swim. The float is like the Right Information to guide me along. But, if I keep holding onto it, there is no way I can learn how to swim. It is in the willingness to be uncomfortable in the water (can be daunting when one has a phobia of water) and slowly picking up the know-how (countless times of drinking dirty pool water, choking, nearly drowned once but never giving up) that eventually, it lets go of the float and trusts in the process of learning though drinking pool water still happened on and off then. Through time, the mind learnt and swimming has become so natural when I jump into the pool nowadays. The strokes are easeful and the mind is relaxed. There is no struggle because the mind has learnt the skill of swimming. The understanding to swim has taken over so there is no more effortful doing.

Hence, the spiritual journey is not a belief in anyone or anything. It is the willingness to have an open mind in whatever is heard, take it on, make mistakes, and find out (can ask the teachers and share with like-minded friends) that leads to more understanding unfolding. It is a gradual process of unlearning the wrong habits and cultivating healthy habits to condition the mind back in the right direction. Wrong thoughts which arise very often when the mind has learnt wrongly will be believed in. These wrong thoughts are defilements that are not seen as they are. They cannot do anything unless and until they are believed in. 

Suffering arises because the mind doesn’t know any better and has followed these wrong thought patterns and habits. Ignorance is playing out its function, but it covers up the reality that is pronounced yet not seen. When there is understanding, through time, the so-called person (which is body-mind) can then become a blessing to oneself or others. It also understands that the process cannot be rushed for no one is in control. Only causes and conditions decide, and it is mighty Nature rolling on. We are part of Nature. 

May we continue to take on this journey for the veil of ignorance to be totally lifted, if not this lifetime then in future lifetimes to come (time still exists when ignorance is present). The shift from wrong seeing to right seeing is shedding off of the wrong views accumulated through lifetimes of wrong learning. It is a process of rectification of views to gear the mind towards right seeing until wisdom arises at each moment for the letting go to happen more and more until finally, only nature exists.

In grace,
Chee Guit Yeng
4 June 2024