Mine

That which belongs to me. Forms my life story. I live an ordinary life or so I thought. How can it be ordinary when I intentionally make it extraordinary. I could have left a self-belittling, dissatisfaction, or grudge alone, but no, I just could not help from making it special. The whole spectrum of experiences, from joy to sadness defines who I am, of which I have never questioned its reality. Unknowingly I have made every experience equally as important just because they are mine to experience and not yours. I would not have been too bothered by your experience, but it is a different story altogether if it is mine to experience. At times I take pride in my suffering. That mine is more unique than yours. When I judge myself instead of you, contrary to common belief, I am making myself more special than you. Thoughts of what if, should I, oh why, are you so rampant. Do you know why? Because I made the thoughts mine. Being kind to others makes me feel pleasant. How would I ever know how the recipient of the kindness feels, if not based on my own thoughts. I believe I am at the center of the universe with you and the world revolving around me. I believe my life is a build-up of events that are only mine to experience. No wonder I feel so separated from you.

I believe you and I are separated. I can experience my feelings but obviously, I cannot experience yours neither can you mine. The most I can know about your feeling is based on what I think you would feel. How can I ever truly understand you, confirming that you and I must be totally separated. The more I think, the more I believe that everything is confined to just myself. Seems like the world is only experienced by me. Even what I think you are experiencing is still based on my own thoughts. But how can there be only me when obviously there is also you and the world. If I am the only thing that matters in this existence, then who are you and what is your purpose here in respect to me. What is your role? What is the world’s role? While I was busy looking outside and trying to understand what your role is, it brought me back again to myself. What is my role?

What am I? Dawns on me, the only reason why there is you and I, that we are separated is that the I was never questioned. I, an experience on its own gives an experience of I. My experience feels like it is my experience just because the reality of ‘my’ was overlooked. When the reality of ‘my’ is not known, the ‘my’ is sent out and becomes an experiencer instead of an experience. There has never been my experience nor your experience but just experience of ‘my experience’ and experience of ‘your experience’ taking place. You and I are not separated because there is neither you nor me.

When the mind is overlooked and sent ‘out’, it IS the beginning of suffering. When the mind is sent out, separation is. There is me, there is you, and there is the world. The only reason we suffer is that we believe there is me, there is you and there is the world. If these are understood as mind-bodily processes, suffering is irrelevant. That’s why the wise ones who have walked and transcended The Path said that the only way out from this predicament is to stay at the mind. How can we transcend from our current state of separation that is suffering to non-separation that is equanimous? Through Right Awareness. Awareness that is supported by Right Information. We do not deny ourselves that we are separated. We first acknowledge that the separation is real. Then, we explore if it’s true that we are indeed separated. This journey is exploratory and empirical, slowly revealing the mystery of I and confirming the invitation by the wise ones. Transcending from mine to mind and eventually beyond.

When one notices and realizes more of the workings of realities instead of making our stories personal, The Path is self-evident as a way of life. Imagine our life constantly supported by understanding. What a relief from the stresses we are experiencing now! So, is this journey mine or of the mind? Let’s find out together in the next season of Mindfulness A Starting Point.

In grace,
Hung Leng
18 January 2022