A White Christmas
I gazed up towards the heavens. Tufts of translucent white puffs floated by gently. I felt the warm rays of bright sunlight on my skin and decided the weather is just perfect. I loaded the washing machine full with mud stained clothes and added an extra half cup of detergent for good measure. I hoped that it will get in good to remove all the dirt. Staring at the water sloshing about in the drum, fond memories of a recent hiking trip with some friends flooded my mind. A smile spreaded across my face and a gush of warmth filled my chest. It was a fun trip despite an equally memorable mishap on the way home. I gave thanks and felt blessed that we were not physically harmed nor greatly inconvenienced by the incident. There were much learnings for us and an invisible bond strenghtened our friendship. Being able to laugh through the various challenges that life throws at you could mean that you had glimpsed and understood the absurdity of existence. The world just does not quite make sense.
I went about other daily chores, and Cookie, my feline friend bounded over unapologetically looking for attention. We played in the sun a while and I watched as she longed to get her paws on the twittering birds overhead. Not long after, she settled down contented that perhaps to wait for an opportuned time. Not long after, I heard the beeps of the washing machine. Time to hang out the laundry. Reluctantly, Cookie watched as I retreated into the cool shade of the house. She heard me gasped and turned to see what the matter was. As I removed a long pants and flung it about, small white flakes floated in the air around me. They looked like snow. What an odd sight it was! Whatever could they be? Seems like I had forgotten to check the pockets of my pants for tissue paper. So it had shredded during the wash and clung onto every piece of laundry. As I remove each piece and flung off the flakes one by one, I laughed at the thought of us having a white Christmas after all.
More interestingly though, I was intrigued by my reaction. Why had I not resented the mistake and guilted myself for being so careless? Where were the usual reproaches and complaints of having to spend time I could ill afford to clean up the mess? How come I felt calm and was able to even laugh it off? What was happening now that is different from previous occasions? As these questions swirled around in the mind, I observed the indifference while my body moved in a relaxed and efficient manner to get the laundry hung. There was a light and easeful contentment when removing the flakes stuck to the walls of the drum. Similarly when sweeping up all the white flakes off the floor into the disposal bin. Something special is working and I observed more intently. There was a thought that reminded how each moment lived is just a memory now. It was an understanding of how it had had to happen the way it did because of how I lived before that. It was perfect as it was and could not have been otherwise.
I reflected on the distinction between living with awareness and without awareness. The recognition of the vast contrast in the quality of life jolted me alert to not be mindless as often as possible. Otherwise, instead of little flakes of snow, I may be caught in the middle of a heavy snow storm next time. As the mind started to drift off into daydreaming, the nature of this existence as impermanent was clearly evident. In a blink of an eye is how quickly forgetfulness had set in. If I was behind the steering wheel at the time, I could have been a short breath away from being a statistic of a fatal tragic road accident. However, because I was not, the nonchalant sense of immortality deluded me to believe it would not happen to me. At least not right now. How swiftly the wake up call to be aware had slipped into the dark abyss and laid dormant until another untoward incident sparks its appearance. It is an endless cycle that traps those caught unawares over and over. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it?
I looked over at Cookie and she had found a piece of 'snowflake' I had missed while cleaning the earlier mess. As she clumsily tried to catch it between her paws, it glided just an inch further away each time. Laughing at her silliness, I wondered when she may have the grace to appreciate the wisdom of this unique journey that had opened my mind in understanding the reason for life. Before that though, I may just attempt inadequately to illuminate her feline intellect on why her attempts to catch the 'snowflake' were futile. Perhaps I am no better than her then. At least we will both have good fun. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! May the light and joy of the vision of Christ be the salvation of our remembrance of who we truly are.
In light
Hui Yee
19 Dec 2023