The Unhappiness of Happiness
Wait a minute. The unhappiness of happiness? What an oxymoron. How does that even make any sense? Well, if we really think about it, it might just do. For most of us, what we define as happiness is usually associated with pleasure, satisfaction, contentment, joy, calm, peace, and fulfilment. These are all valid mental states of positive energy and better well-being in general, which we term happiness. However, like an addiction, the mind is hot-wired or has been conditioned from the past to savour, relish, indulge, grasp, hold on to, cling, and attach to these mental states. It is not good enough to merely appreciate the blessed moment and then let go.
For starters, we absolutely, totally believe, and subscribe to what we have learned or experienced as happiness - hook, line, and sinker. Otherwise, we would not spend our whole lives looking for or chasing after it. The question we can ask to begin unravelling this mystery is why is happiness any special? What makes it stand out more than other experiences we go through daily? In fact, why do we not avoid or resist it even? Well, a minority of people do avoid or resist happiness, perhaps due to an inferiority complex or past trauma. As a consequence, they believe they do not deserve happiness or out of fear that they may experience negative repercussions from being happy. But aside from these outliers, for most people, happiness is not something they would shy away from. On the contrary, overtime it becomes an addiction or obsession that lasts a lifetime.
Why is happiness any special? What makes it stand out more than other experiences we go through daily?
At this point, you may be asking with exasperation what is wrong with being happy?! Well, it depends. Happiness in itself is not right or wrong. It is just an experience. A mere mental state. A happening. An object of mindfulness. The nature of mind working. So what's my point? Happiness is just an effect. A result of an unknown cause. We do not truly know the true cause of happiness. Hence, we keep looking for it in the wrong places, we do not understand why we are happy at times and unhappy at most times, and more importantly, we believe that we are not already happy. That's why we keep searching and chasing. Do we need to search and chase after something that we already possess? Clearly, no.
Would you agree that it is trying and tiring, driving one to the brink of exhaustion, in going through life always seeking but never finding? Just thinking about it already saps energy. So what would be a wise way to understand what is going on? I am glad you asked or that you are still reading until this point. How we can begin is to learn about the cause of happiness. It will lead you to discover the myth of happiness. Then you may begin to see how
without the sense of lack and fear, there is no need to want to be happy. Because there was never a problem in the first place. It was a mistaken perception, and everything had always been perfect from the get go.
This realisation, of understanding how the endless search was all just a silly idea, restores one back to a state of satisfaction, contentment, joy, peace, and calm beyond what we thought of as happiness – while not needing to do anything at all. That is the shortcut! Not only that, the cherry on top is that there is no reliance or dependence on any external conditions for one to be happy. This wise way of knowing what is actually happening in our experiences is the true freedom that everyone ultimately seeks – to be unfazed, unperturbed, unmoved, unshaken and unconditioned, by anything or anyone. It begins with a little willingness to learn the cause at the nature of mind workings.
May you all realise this higher happiness one day. Today is my mom's birthday. I wish her true happiness and freedom beyond whatever the mind can imagine. May the Truth be with her in eternity. Happy wise birthday, Mommy!
Khan Hui Yee
4 Jul 2023