Life Skills
It has been a long week. No. Weeks, months, or even a year. You vaguely recall happier times when life was good and everything was going well. You had the freedom to travel, indulge in delicious foods, and be in the company of loving family and friends. Now, your body feels beaten and bruised. You feel exhausted and hopeless. Your mind is filled with incessant thoughts and worries. You wonder, ‘When will I be happy again? I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I just wish things were back to normal. I really need a break from life.'
Not to be the bearer of bad news, but there will be moments in life where it gets overwhelming. Sometimes more often than not. Unfortunately, such is the fact of life; that it is uncertain. There will be good times and there will be bad times. In a day, we may go through cycles of up and down moments. And at the end of it, when everything seems to go smoothly as planned or with pleasant experiences, we sum it up as a good day. If instead there were more unpleasant experiences, we dwell on them and wish for the day to be over quicker. We go through these cycles daily until the day we die and we measure the worth of our lives based on how many pleasant versus unpleasant phases we have had within that time frame.
But is that really how we should be looking at life? Do we just let ourselves get thrown about by the current? Can we hope that our lives will have happier than sad moments? Is there nothing we can do about it? Let us get to the causal root of it. Notice how our perception of whether an experience is good or bad is largely driven by our meaning of good and bad. It is entirely subjective based on personal ideas, opinions, and views about the matter. No event is perceived the same by everyone. There will always be both ends of the spectrum. If good and bad did not exist in our vocabulary, our perception of an experience will be entirely different. A happening is just a happening. There is no need to judge or even blame.
That does not mean however that we will not experience pleasant or unpleasant feelings. We will still have pleasant or unpleasant feelings but it does not have to be concluded as good or bad. We can just let it be as it is without judgment. When we judge something as bad, immediately the defence system kicks in to reject it and the mind starts thinking of ways to avoid it – hence, we end up being stressed out. We dwell on the issue and it feeds the negative thoughts to continue proliferating. Some level of healthy stress is necessary for the survival of the body but when it gets overwhelming, that is when it is unnecessary and detrimental even.
Then how does an event escalate from being manageable to stressful? It is due to the perceived degree of tolerance to the issue and one's level of confidence in managing it. For example, say if you are not getting on well with someone at work or home. Perhaps not knowing how to deal with it, one chooses to avoid the person. It may help not to have to see them for a week or two but unless you quit your job or move out, the next time you meet the person, you will face the same issue. Then the anxiety or stress builds up further every time there is contact. When the problem encroaches into other areas of your life such as social gatherings with colleagues or family, over time it may escalate quickly to the level where it becomes unbearable. How soon that happens depends on your level of tolerance – if you have a higher tolerance level, it may take longer before you feel stress.
What one can do will depend highly on the individual's abilities to adapt effectively to the demands and challenges faced. These abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour in daily living are called life skills. Just like any skill, having acquired the relevant knowledge, one develops it by applying the knowledge in challenging situations repeatedly until it becomes second nature. It may feel mechanical at first but once you get the hang of it, it gets easier. Patience while going through the process and kindness towards oneself every time it does not seem to work are helpful virtues to have. As the level of confidence increases, these life skills will navigate you through any storm more easily. There will be less fear and stress. Life will seem to go smoother and easier. Challenging situations become opportunities for learning and for extending help to others who may be in need. Then the world truly is your oyster.
At WISE, I have gained important life skills that I did not know were going to help me in so many various aspects of my life. A change in perspective opened my mind from having limited views of the world to the endless possibilities unfathomable. I wish to invite you to join in and explore what interesting aspects of your mind you may discover. Who knows, you may even learn a thing or two.
In grace,
Hui Yee
26 October 2021