Laugh & Carry On
It hits me recently that we deal with life, not living life. When we are hungry, we get something to eat. When we are tired, we get some rest. When we are upset, we do what upset does. When we are bored, we check our Whatsapp and Facebook. The list goes on. We are going through them day after day and here we are, thinking about how to address ignorance?! I thought I heard Teacher clearly that the purpose of meditation is to address ignorance. I thought I heard him? I do not.
Until lately, the question that has been brewing in my mind about - why am I doing all these - is answered. The answer is unthinkable but it is common sense, it says, "It is to solve problem la." So what is the big deal? Aren't we already solving problems every day, every issue? I realize it is not, we are not solving problems, we are fixing problems. I look at my daily encounters, I fix problems most of the time, solving problems is occasional and rare. Fixing and solving carry different characteristics, both associated with mental factors.
Fixing problems and defilement are closely connected. Fixing has the meaning of "the problem should not be there, therefore it needs fixing". I need to get my work fixed, I need to get my defilement fixed, I need to get this and that fixed so that I can be done with it. Phew, what a relief. Fixing is always impatient. It is not interested with what is going on, because it wants to get things done fast - get done and dusted! At the end of the process, a lot is done but little is learned.
It brings me back to my school days, I did very well in Mathematics until Form 3 (Malaysian public school system) but struggled much in Form 4 to Form 6. I realized now that Mathematics before Form 4 involved more fixing the problem than solving the problem. You learned some formulae and just applied them to the problems, minimal thinking and probing were required. In Form 4 to Form 6, Additional Mathematics was tough, it required lots of problem solving. You could not just apply the formulae, you need to understand how the formulae work and you need to investigate its working through trial and error. I failed miserably, because my goal was to get the answer, I was not interested about how to get the answer. Come to think of it, perhaps Additional Mathematics was not difficult after all. I missed my 'A' and it was not unfair.
Solving problems is so different from fixing problems. Solving is closely connected with wholesome qualities. Solving a problem requires patience and the willingness to find out, I learned it later that it is the investigative nature Teacher has been emphasizing about. This step is often dismissed, because finding out something requires more time and things cannot be done as fast as you want. When drowsiness arises, I use the 3-Meditator's-Job to fix the drowsiness. I miss the mark again! Gone too is the Right Attitude. Unknowing to me, wrong attitude has crept in and here I am, complaining about the unsolved issue!
Solving the problem of the Mind requires lots of Right Information. Having listened to the information, it requires our confidence in the information and the interest to test it out. A lot of hiccups will be expected and that requires our honesty and determination to be willing to fail and learn. Unknowing to me, these qualities are stated in the Ten Perfections. What a big turn!
As I am busy looking for the answers to the problems, I do not realize the answer is so common sense - it is solving, not fixing! Having said that, the change will not be an overnight leap. So, laugh and carry on. There will be more errors waiting to be discovered and having the faith that with Right View, Right Attitude and Consistency, it definitely is a worthwhile endeavour :)
In grace,
Stephanie
09 November 2021