Beyond Words

Right this moment, the thought that comes to mind is gratitude. Why gratitude? Without this journey, I would be lost and still be in a seeking mode. The teachers have made the journey so very clear and easy for all to walk on. Like-minded spiritual friends have also shared time and again bringing so much learning to my space. Words cannot express this gratitude. It is as if I was dead and now, I have come to life again. So, why am I not `there’ yet?

The minute the question is asked, it is obvious that craving is looking forward to something to arrive, something to get. This journey is not about getting and not about becoming good or even becoming a better person. On the contrary, it is the dropping away of all the blocks and baggage that one has been carrying preventing the luminous sun from being seen. If our original nature is pure and untainted, what is the cause of it not being realized? Or, if everything is a dream, why are everything and everybody so real to me? The blocks are the 3 monkeys. They are actually illusory monkeys that have been haunting us since time immemorial. The fact that we are born is due to the 3 monkeys brought about by ignorance which has been taking us on roller coaster rides through eons and eons of lifetime. They are defilements of greed, anger, and delusion, not understood for what they really are. They cannot harm us but due to ignorance, we believe in them causing so much suffering in our lives. They are not wrong but are part of the natural existence we are born into.

Mind is the forerunner of all things, as quoted by the Awakened One. If that is the case, what is actually real? The more I walk on this journey, the more I see the deceiving nature of thoughts. I realize that my thoughts cannot be trusted at all. They arise so habitually to delude me into believing them. Most of the time, they are wrong thought systems. `I am not good enough’, `I shouldn’t have done that’, `I have caused so much harm and suffering to my loved ones due to wrongdoing’ and the list goes on. `I should have been a better mother’, `I should have more common sense’, `I should have …’ and again the list goes on. No wonder it is said that we have an average of 6,000 thoughts a day. These thoughts that pop up have become so habitual that they are taken for granted to be real. That is how the `I’ becomes so strong that we think we are in control of everything. When things go well, I have done it. Even when things don’t go well, the ego wants to claim ownership of it too. It wants its fingers in every pie. It really wants to exist. But is the ego real per se?

We live our lives in such an obsessive pattern that we have become zombies following the ways of the world. We chase after pleasures that give us relief and joy for a short period and then we are down in the doldrums again. Then the next seeking begins. It is madness until some wisdom pops up for us to realize that something is not right. This is where I must thank the teachers for consistently giving understanding to many minds. Without such a teaching, many would be caught in the seeking and chasing mode, from worldly to spiritual. Though in name, the latter appears more holy and superior, they are actually the same if there is no understanding of how to go about cultivating. The mind is caught in an endless mode of liking and disliking, wanting this and not wanting that. It feels good when thoughts are suppressed bringing a momentary relief but when one is out of the meditation cushion or after a brief period of stability, the tendencies take over again. When will common sense prevail that spirituality is not about perpetuating this cycle but seeing where the source of suffering is coming from?

I came from this seeking mode but am so blessed that there is now a turning in to understand the mind more. No one and no situation can cause us any suffering. It’s because there is no understanding of what is happening that the suffering arises. With awareness and straightening of views through the 3-Meditator’s Jobs, the mind is trained and stable to see the workings of the mind. Only then, can one understand what is really happening. When there is more understanding, the mind thinks less and sanity prevails. This keeps on happening until the defilements get reduced not by one’s doing but by a natural progression of understanding. From there, all the beautiful qualities of the mind can emerge. Mental qualities such as patience, understanding, acceptance, generosity, and confidence plus the five spiritual faculties or mental powers will keep on happening to lift the mind to a higher level.

To move from the conditioned to the unconditioned is a natural progression. We need to crawl, then walk before running. Hence, there is no jumping queue to reach the destination. It is a slow process of going through trials and tribulations before the mind gets it that `Hey, you are not in control. It’s causes and conditions. Let it all go.’ Can it be done? No, it is from the wisdom mental factor that the mind lets go of what has been wrongly perceived. If one were to read the theory and try to do it fast, it cannot be done. Even in the worldly sense, for one to be skillful and successful, the five powers of confidence, effort, mindfulness, stability, and understanding must be in place. In spirituality, they may appear to be the same but they come from a deeper understanding that everything is governed by the laws of nature. There is no one in control but due to causes and conditions. When the dream is over, the dreamer wakes up to realize what reality is.

Hence, from beginning to end, there is no active doing. It is from understanding that the mind knows what to do. Yes, initially, there is a lot of struggling because effort and mistakes are needed to change the heavily-conditioned mind. From beginning to end, it is the right information that leads the mind from darkness to light. Without the right information given by the wise, it is impossible to walk this journey. So, as a final word of sharing, right information is fundamental to the evolving of the mind which has been too deluded to see through the simplicity of things. It is a slow shedding of the delusional layers which may take one not only this lifetime but possibly, many lifetimes to wake up from the dream. Until then, the fellowship of spiritual friends is a strong supportive condition for us to progress. Yes, no one can walk for us but we know, we are all the same in this humbling journey as we help one another walk, fall, get up and walk again. The key is now in our hands. Are we willing to use it in finding out the mysteries of the mind which have kept us in bondage for far too long?

In grace, 
Guit Yeng
27 Sep 2022