Commitment Seen In A New Lens
When you hear the word "commitment", what crosses your mind? "Burden, less freedom, I wish I didn't have to do it, I wish I didn't say yes, when is it going to end, when can I be free from it..." The list goes on. I asked Google, commitment is an engagement or an obligation that restricts freedom of action. Our views are correct, isn't it? I didn't realize back then that my intention to renounce was led by this view. At that time, this view was correct - the worldly life is indeed a burden and the monastic life will free me from these burdens!
As I learn along the journey, as understanding connects the dots, the idea of worldly commitments and renunciation is gradually corrected and healed by right information. Recently, another piece of information strikes a chord and opens a new avenue to see "commitment" correctly. We have been hearing the purpose of meditation many times - to learn about the defilements, to address the defilements. Little did I know that these statements were "flat" and were taken as just another good-to-know information until the wisdom that came through Teacher said, "Commitment simply means do not follow the defilements." Period. What?! It was that short, sweet, and straight to the point. What was I hearing all this while? This information totally overturns the idea of commitment in my already-known-burdensome context.
This information shows me again the dynamic and principle of the journey - it is not about to "be" that something, that somebody, that achievement; but to keep on noticing the otherwise (in this case - following the defilements). In that noticing, in that honest acknowledgment, commitment is already taking place. This dynamic has been appearing in many areas of the journey: noticing wrong attitude, unwillingness, stinginess, judgment, etc. It is noticing the blocks that bring me back on track - to pull the brake from unwholesomeness, to do what is beneficial instead. This approach is entirely different from my past training of "be" committed – don’t complain, add the hours of meditation, join longer retreats, read more discourses, do chanting every morning, keep the monthly eight precepts, etc. It is neither about doing more of this nor doing less of that, it has always been about learning about the defilements, addressing the defilements. This is strange! You thought you heard it, you actually did not. When you heard it, you really heard it.
With this in mind, I cannot want to be committed; when there is right information, commitment takes place naturally. I am deeply humbled and grateful for the teachings that come through. May the understanding accumulated along the journey be the supportive conditions for more understanding to arise, so that what has been heard is really heard and understood.
In grace,
Stephanie Chua
29 March 2022