This Can Of Worms

While comparing notes on our practice the other day, a friend asked, “How long have you been with WISE?” This question set me thinking – is time a measure of our progress? I can only speak for myself but when I consider the length of time I have practised (or attempted to) I despair at my spiritual development or, rather, the lack of it. Why do I feel that I have regressed instead of progressed? Why are there more defilements now that I am trying hard to practise?

I pondered on this for quite a while and it dawned upon me that starting my practice is akin to opening a can of worms – my can of worms. In actual fact, the can has never been closed and the worms have had their merry time worming themselves through this mind from the time I was born.

Now that I’ve learned to watch the mind, I am appalled at the number of worms I have harboured. The more I watch the mind, the more worms I encounter. But the worms had always been there and will continue to remain there. If I allow, more worms will be added to the can!!! How do I arrest this slide?

I was getting discouraged by my own perceived lack of progress and it was not until a young lady reached out to me for help with her depression from a breakup in a relationship that I noticed the change of my mindscape. As I guided her through her “mind field” of emotions, I discovered how much I had learned from my Teachers. And in the process of guiding her, I had the opportunity to also confront my own worms and see them for what they are.

For too long, I have identified with all the defilements playing up in my mind and I have willingly joined in the games, sometimes fun but most times depressing and morbid! This is where I find solace in understanding awareness – being aware of these worms neutralises their effect on the mind.

The practice is a life-long journey, and it doesn’t matter when I started but I am glad I have started.

In grace,
Jerina Foong
13 March 2022