Just Another Life Episode
While on a meditation retreat in Thailand early this year, I was advised to refrain from eating meat and the monastery where I stayed at only served vegetarian meals. For the 16 days that I was there, only a handful of instances popped up where I missed the taste of meat. Other than that, I was contented and truly appreciated the fresh, healthy and abundant food available to nourish the body daily. Doing kitchen duty throughout my stay, I was well aware of all the time, effort and care volunteers put into the daily meal preparations. Also, being on a vegetarian diet while on meditation retreats is nothing new to me.
A few days before I was scheduled to return home, there was an intention to explore continuing on a vegetarian diet after the retreat. It was a willing choice and the thought of it was joyful as the wish to not harm other beings for my benefit was valued. Another notch up avoiding evil and doing good while keeping the precepts is definitely something worth pursuing. It is also said that it takes two weeks to form a new habit, so why let it go to waste? However, concerns about how it may affect my health in the long term and my relationship with others around me arose. It seemed like it may be rather challenging as a habituated meat eater since young. I may be socially ostracised or disowned by my mother. The drama that may ensue!
There was a strong sense of curiosity to experiment, despite it all, in order to find out what might come out of it and also interest to try something different as an opportunity for learning if it is beneficial for my meditation practice. So I decided to just do it. What is the worst that could happen, right? Well, maybe perhaps as my fearful imagination may play out. But little did I know then the many valuable and impressionable learnings that would take place in just a short time. Looking back, I am really grateful for the willingness to dive right into the experiment and go with the flow. Surf along and stay above the waves, so to speak, or sink and drown. Yikes! Thankfully though, in return, I got to experience the true care of my loved ones. My mom still welcomes me with open arms. Phew!
After the retreat when I got to the airport and was waiting for my flight home, the lessons begun immediately. It was one thing to not have a choice in the monastery, but it was another when there is nothing stopping you from the habitual tendency of simply walking up to the counter at McDonald's and asking for a cheeseburger. Temptations wafting into your nostrils from the umami smell of a steaming hot bowl of Japanese beef noodles would have you cursing in no time too. Short of looking like a salivating Pavlov's dog, I recalled why I had put myself in that situation to begin with and resolved to not give in just yet.
Instead, I took stock that mindfulness left without the trace of a shadow the second any of the senses were bombarded by sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches. Despite having been in retreat for the past 16 days to boot. But I was tremendously grateful for what I have learned throughout the 5 years on this journey thus far to have regained some sanity and composure quickly before I find myself wolfing down on some savoury meat dish regretfully. I chuckled at the silliness of how serious the whole situation of feeling deprived was perceived when totally unawares. Perhaps at my death bed I may be caught up in debating which heavenly realm would be nice to be reborn into without realizing I had already taken my last breath!
Today, after six weeks since returning home, I am joyful to say that I am still healthy and alive existing on a vegetarian diet. But the joy is not so much due to having the bragging rights. It is the true happiness and appreciation for what had been learned about the patterns of behaviour, thought systems and consequences of intentions from this interesting experiment. The tiny insights daily at meal times had been most rewarding to shed light on further understanding of how my mind works. From feeling deprived, discriminated against, alienated, anxious, and rejected to realising biases, perceptions, views, cravings and attitudes.
I even SOS-ed a meditation teacher on whether pursuing a vegetarian diet is delusional or wise. It was an SOS because the festive lunar new year was about to begin and I was anxious to decide if I should end my experiment early. There were doubts on whether depriving this body of the usual favourite foods will be worth it. Even though the teacher did not respond, it had already been revealed to me that that was exactly my lesson to learn. So I persevered and navigated my way in managing the thoughts of craving for those foods while everyone around me devoured them. Delightful indeed it was to go through a new experience and be rewarded with the total opposite of my fears. I had survived without any feelings of loss or sacrifice, and instead gained a little more wisdom too. It was a natural flow and letting go of the fears and doubts were not as difficult as it had seemed in the beginning.
I would say the new year started off auspiciously for me with the right understanding of how this wisdom journey ought to be regarded. This path is not a means to an end. The path is the goal itself. The understanding of the law of conditionality is truly my favouritest favourite as far as wisdom goes. Because it has opened a gazillion doors, inroads and ways for the tremendous amount of insights gained to date. It had been beyond my wildest imagination that my life, having been turned upside down, is happier and more peaceful than it had ever been with lesser of the things that I used to think would make me happy. It is truly meaningful and worthwhile now with this journey. So, what are you waiting for? Come join me at WISE soon. See you there.
With joy,
Hui Yee
12 Mar 2024